How a Win Can Cause Your Next Defeat
Don’t you love it in life when, for a period of time, you seem to hit a stride of excellence (particularly in your relationships with others)? Like you are simply “on fire” and are acting like the person you want to be?
I’ve certainly felt that way before. However, if you’ve experienced the scenario above, you’ve also experienced the “slip up” that inevitably seems to follow it. We feel frustrated that these slip ups seem to come right as we are in the hot streaks. Today, if I may, I am going to suggest that the very acknowledgement of these self-proclaimed “hot streaks” are the warning signal of the impending slip ups. Why?
Pride. That’s why.
Pride, if left unchecked, will become the downfall of each and every one of us. Pride includes a self-absorption, self-centeredness, and selfishness that prevents us from looking outside of ourselves and focusing on others. As we think more and more of ourselves, the more pride is certainly seeping in. The more that pride seeps in, the greater the likelihood that we will, in fact, do something that is self-absorbed, self-centered, and selfish.
As our best selves, we would like to say that we focus more on others and are engaged in helping those around us — and the best part is we do these things out of a pure desire to serve, not for any sort of reward.
Thus, when the moment comes when you say to yourself, “Hey, I’ve been pretty good lately at helping around the house. I’m getting into less arguments. I don’t feel angry. I just love everyone!” Who is the subject of every sentence? Me, me, me. The act of you praising yourself for your progress shows that the exact opposite is starting to occur.
So what, are we not supposed to be proud of the progress we’ve made in our relationships with others?
In a way, no — you’re not. And this isn’t because you don’t deserve to feel the increase of love and connection with those you care about, but because of why you wanted to improve your relationship with them in the first place: for them. It was never about you, or at least should’ve never been about you.
The goal is for our hearts to change. Our desires to change. Our motives to change. If we feel motivated to help others for selfish reasons, this needs to change. This pride that we encounter is what brings our downfall.
That’s why we hit lulls in our progression. We keep tally marks of the times that we act as we feel we should, when there should never have been tallies in the first place. As our hearts change, we want to help others simply because we want to. Ironically, this means that the more progress we make, the less we will be aware of our progress.
The main thing is to be aware of those times that we congratulate ourselves for something selfish we did, for that is a sign of selfishness creeping back in. As we work to recognize how we are in the wrong and seek forgiveness from those we have wronged, that is when pride has been conquered and we can continue to move forward.
This is a complicated subject to tackle in a short post, so let me know what your thoughts are on this idea and we can keep the conversation going. If you couldn’t tell by now, I am still trying to figure this out myself, so your questions and insights will be extremely helpful.
If you made it this far, you are incredible and I appreciate your time. I wish you the best of luck in your efforts to become a better person.
