3 Things People with Depression Wish They Could Tell You
Before I begin, I feel I should disclaim that I have personally never struggled with depression.
I have, however, had many experiences with people who have struggled and are struggling with this mental illness — I’m sure you have too.
The experiences I have had surrounding depression are what drove me to write this article; because if there is one thing I have learned throughout these experiences, it is that those who do not have close encounters with depression can be clueless about a lot of things.
That being said, if I sound naive or ignorant in anything I say throughout this piece, it is probably because I am.
I have consulted with those I know that have struggled with depression while writing this post, including a psychologist, Dr. Christina Hibbert, who specializes in postpartum depression. I asked her and others I spoke with to tell me what they really wish people knew about depression.
I have synthesized my findings into 3 main points, which may be as eye-opening for you as they were for me.
1. “I have depression.”
The symptoms of depression are not as visible as other types of illnesses. You can’t just place your hand on someone’s forehead and say, “Yeah, you have depression.”
With that in mind, it is important to realize how many people have depression in some form or another. It is all around us. One Google search will show you the staggering statistics on how many individuals struggle with depression on a daily basis.
It takes an intense amount of courage to open up to someone and tell them that you have depression.
Not only is it a difficult thing to share, but it is equally difficult for others around them to really get it, understand, and know how to support them in their suffering.
This prevents a lot of those struggling from opening up and, more importantly, getting the support they need. Thus, it is critical for us to watch our language about depression with those around us.
One teenager I spoke with mentioned how hurtful it is when her friends at school romanticize or trivialize depression:
“When you have those friends that go, ‘Oh my gosh, I had a mental breakdown last night doing my homework. I am so depressed,’ it really hurts. It makes me feel like what I am going through doesn’t matter or isn’t a big deal.”
It is so incredibly important that we don’t make light of this mental illness — it is not a joke. You never know who you may be hurting by making their struggles seem like something that just “happens” when you are stressed about an assignment.
Dr. Hibbert, the psychologist I spoke with, added:
“Dealing with depression is so stigmatized, making individuals who truly are suffering feel ‘weak’, marginalized, and in many ways feel ‘crazy’ if they admit they are struggling with this illness.”
It can be very hard for others to truly understand unless they have struggled with depression before. This lack of understanding has created a stigma around depression that we ought to eradicate from society.
Feeling like no one understands what you are going through can feel incredibly lonely.
2. “It is not ‘all in my head.’”
A common misconception surrounding mental illness is that it is all a mindset issue. This is not the case. Those who do not suffer from depression, myself included, have a difficult time of understanding how complex this disease is. An article from the Harvard Medical School publishing library gives great insight to this:
“…chemicals are involved in [the cause of depression], but it is not a simple matter of one chemical being too low and another too high. Rather, many chemicals are involved, working both inside and outside nerve cells. There are millions, even billions, of chemical reactions that make up the dynamic system that is responsible for your mood, perceptions, and how you experience life.”
Depression is not just something that you can think away. It is deeply rooted in fundamental chemical imbalances on many levels.
Telling those with depression to “think positively” or “just exercise, eat healthier, try harder, pray more,” are simply not helpful. This is not something that was made up; this is a major depressive disorder, a disorder affecting not only your brain and body chemistry, but your thoughts, emotions, and even spiritual connections. All of these symptoms can feel huge and overwhelming — and they do not just go away.
This helps highlight the importance of getting diagnosed. Some things can be fixed by a simple shift in mindset or behavior. Mental illness, on the other hand, is much more complicated than that. Without knowing the difference between the two, you may be trying to fix something on your own that is much more deeply rooted than you thought.
When discussing this topic with Dr. Hibbert, she said, “It’s like telling someone with diabetes that it’s ‘all in their head.’”
Just as a condition such as diabetes, depression is real and requires professional help to work through. If those with depression had the choice to simply “think it away” and completely eliminate their struggles, they would.
Without recognizing the legitimacy of depression, let alone mental illness in general, people will keep suffering silently, feeling forgotten.
Family or friends of people struggling with depression can better educate themselves on what it is, how to get treatment, and what they can do to better support, preventing them from saying or doing things that minimize or make their loved one feel like it is “all in their head”.
3. “Depression is more than a mental illness. It is a physical illness.”
I have learned that depression affects a lot more than your own thoughts, feelings, and mind. It is associated with many physical health symptoms as well. It may make you feel physically weaker, more tired, and even sick.
When I asked one individual about the physical aspect of depression, they related:
“Oh, yeah. That’s so real. It was crazy how much more energy I had and how much better I felt afterward. I didn’t realize how different it would be.”
Countless studies show the mind-body connection is not only real but profound. Every illness affecting the body likewise affects the mind, and similarly every illness affecting the mind affects the body in some ways too.
It comes as no surprise, then, that depression is more than a mental illness. Although it is branded as such, it is important to recognize the physical effects as much as the mental.
Even a clinical diagnosis of depression involves physical health symptoms. With this in mind, it may benefit us to be more aware of how we and those close with us are feeling physically. A persistent lack of appetite, constant fatigue, or lasting feeling of sadness or apathy may require more than a power nap and a healthy meal to get you back to normalcy.
In Conclusion
There are many little-known things about the tenacious disease of depression. I hope, however, that these three things have given light to important things to keep in mind as we interact with those around us — especially those that struggle with depression. As we seek to understand more of what the reality of mental illness is, we can be more loving and serve others at a higher level of empathy.
The teenage individual I spoke with recommended that more people seek to get professionally diagnosed. Internet articles can be a place to start to see if you may have symptoms, but it is important that you seek professional help if you feel you may be struggling with this.
Learning to separate depression from just being stressed or upset about something can help us be better equipped to handle the vicissitudes of life, both for ourself and for those around us.
3 Things People with Depression Wish They Could Tell You:
- “I have depression.”
- “It is not ‘all in my head.’”
- “Depression is more than a mental illness. It is a physical illness.”
